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I'm a gay man, but I'm married to a woman and we've had kids together. Sadly, many couples who stay together end up living in a closet together to avoid the judgment coming from others. When a gay person comes out to his or her straight spouse, the couple is likely to embark on a roller-coaster ride of emotional stages that often encompasses humiliation, revenge, renewed hope, rage, and finally, resolution. Gay men primp and preen, moisturise and exfoliate. Can this be playing a factor as well? Am I reading too much into this? Heterosexually married gay men and women do love their spouses.

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No correspondence takes place.

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We still even have beauty contests. It's my fault entirely, and I should suffer! In just one hour I get to burn every bridge in the gay world I've got. It's fun, it's a lark, but is it antisocial? Their wives know, and they make it work. We have demanded a place at the table, to use Bill Clinton's phrase, but now that it is laid, some of us insist on still behaving with the silly rebelliousness of extended adolescence. I also do not spend the night with him and he states that this prevents us from living our relationship and developing more intimacy.

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Am I reading too much into this? There will be those of you reading this whose embarrassment at me washing our dirty linen in public will be rising fast. They can be modified slowly over time, given the proper loving attention, but they cannot be changed quickly. My goal is to help straight spouses understand that there was nothing they did or said - or didn't do or say - that made their spouse gay. Will they be monogamous? I'm a gay man, but I'm married to a woman and we've had kids together.

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